Keeping the Same Energy
After a month of focusing on my own personal growth and solitude from social media, friends, and distractions I have found peace and a certain calmness in not bothering people and not letting them bother me. I’ve become more consistent with my business and clientele as well as crushing personal goals in just a month’s time that I thought were farfetched and unattainable.
One major goal being better physically fit and eating healthy. Since my yearly Doctors visit I have progressed from 100 push ups a day on November 22nd, to surpassing my goal of 1000 a day and still climbing. Yesterday I did 1400. Next week I’ll be at 2000 a day to bring in 2020. I didn’t want to wait til the new year to get me and my physical health together and make resolutions that held no weight. I’m up twelve pounds in a little less than a month, all muscle! Eating three meals a day compared to the one or two I might’ve had before. Smoking less and eating cleaner. Even considering going vegan again for a while. Im 31 and in the best shape of my life according to my primary care physician, when two months ago I was scared to death of being sick again and dealing with those emotions after already surviving so many life threatening ordeals.
Secondly, I set goals that have forced me to step outside my comfort zone and do what is best for me and my growth. Learning why I do the things I do, and what triggers me to sometimes act out of character as we all do from time to time. We’re human but thats no excuse to be a shitty human being. I’ve Learned to accept my role in misunderstandings, apologize, and move forward. Also beginning to understand my mental shortcomings where I tend to overanalyze things and overextend myself sometimes unnecessarily and learning ways to offset these occurrences. Learning that my mental health is just as important as the people I care for and if I don’t take care of me I can’t take care of anyone else. Furthermore choosing to release anything or person who doesnt bring good vibrations and positive energy to the table unapologetically has also been pivotal to me freeing up positive mental space. there’s no time or room for negative energy here any longer.
I believe keeping a journal of my thoughts has really helped me break down the thought process, emotions, and growth from how I used to carry myself and certain situations. Not to mention keeping me on task and organized. I still struggle with expressing myself to people and understanding how people express their self to me. I am very observant but not nearly as vocal as I should be and stepping out of that comfort zone has been a task. Not many people know how hard or lets say have noticed how hard I’ve worked toward being the man I am becoming today and I kind of like it that way. The doubt is warranted cause who really changes these days, but the people who do get me will get a much better version of me than ever before. And those who are stuck on who I used to be can keep that version and keep the same energy, just keep it over there.
That being said I don’t think I will be jumping back onto Twitter, or Instagram tweeting and posting as I was before. The facades of social media are out of control, and I can confess that I was definitely one of “those people”. People without a positive bone in their body hiding behind motivational memes, posts, and RT’s as if thats their reality and its not. People send the same “if you my dog we ain’t gotta speak everyday to be friends” videos but really only hit you when they need something. People fake being friends because they share mutual toxic traits and/or trauma, and when you call it out you’re the one in the wrong. People who are more comfortable tweeting or RT’ing how they feel than saying it to you and that’s weird to me, even though I used to do the same, I understand now, because in reality that’s how you want to express yourself but can’t for whatever reason. I’m reading through the bullshit, outside looking in everything and everyone is not what it seems on the surface and I don’t want to be apart or enable it anymore, it’s not real to me. We can’t get to know one another through a phone screen and I don’t need a separate persona for the internet or to live up to standards made up by internet personas. I’m only giving access to people I have that same access to and only moving as fast as you move for me when I need something. That’s the energy I’m keeping going into 2020.
At the end of the day; I’m happy, healthy, and prospering. Achieving my eudaimonia by myself and for myself.
